Monday, October 31, 2016

Good night and sweet dreams my friends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE_XVl7fwBQ

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
Website: http://www.drpierremilotphdtherapeuticounselling.com

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Assertiveness: An Important Stress Management Technique


Reduce Stress with Assertiveness

Businesswoman leading discussion with coworkers


Assertiveness isn't usually thought of as a way to reduce stress, but you may be surprised by how exercising this character trait can improve your mood.

What Is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is the ability to express one’s feelings and assert one’s rights while respecting the feelings and rights of others. Assertive communication is appropriately direct, open and honest, and clarifies one’s needs to the other person.
Assertiveness comes naturally to some, but is a skill that can be learned. People who have mastered the skill of assertiveness are able to greatly reduce the level of interpersonal conflict in their lives, thereby reducing a major source of stress.

Assertiveness Compared to Other Behavior?

Sometimes people confuse aggressiveness with assertiveness, seeing that both types of behavior involve standing up for one’s rights and expressing one’s needs. The key difference between the two styles is that individuals behaving assertively will express themselves in ways that respect the other person. They assume the best about people, respect themselves, and think “win-win” and try to compromise.
In contrast, individuals behaving aggressively will tend to employ tactics that are disrespectful, manipulative, demeaning, or abusive. They make negative assumptions about the motives of others and think in retaliatory terms, or they don’t think of the other person’s point of view at all.
They win at the expense of others, and create unnecessary conflict.
Passive individuals don’t know how to adequately communicate their feelings and needs to others. They tend to fear conflict so much that they let their needs go unmet and keep their feelings secret in order to ‘keep the peace’. They let others win while they lose out; the problem with this (which I’ll go into in more detail momentarily) is that everybody involved loses, at least to an extent.

What Does Assertiveness Look Like?

Here are some common scenarios, with examples of each style of behavior:
Scenario A: Someone cuts in front of you at the supermarket.
An aggressive response would be to assume they did it on purpose and angrily say, “Hey, jackass, no cuts!”
A passive response would be to just let the person stay in front of you.
An assertive response would be to assume that they may not have seen you in line, and politely say, “Excuse me, but I was in line.”
Scenario B: Your friend, who can be quite verbose, calls to vent about her bad day. Unfortunately, you have a lot of work to do and don’t have time to talk.
An aggressive response would be to become angry that she obviously doesn’t respect your time, cut her off, and sarcastically say, “Oh, get over it! I have my own problems!”
A passive response would be to let her talk for as long as she needs, and figure that your deadline can suffer; she needs your help.
An assertive response would be to listen for a minute or two, then compassionately say, “Wow, it sounds like you’re having a tough day!
I’d love to talk to you about it, but I don’t have the time right now. Can we talk later tonight?”
Get the idea?

The Benefits of Assertiveness

Assertive people tend to have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, which translates into much less stress in their lives. They get their needs met — which also means less stressing over unmet needs, and help others get their needs met, too. Having stronger, more supportive relationships virtually guarantees that, in a bind, they have people they can count on, which also helps with stress management, and even leads to a healthier body.
In contrast, aggressiveness tends to alienate others and create unnecessary stress. Those on the receiving end of aggressive behavior tend to feel attacked and often avoid the aggressive individual, understandably. Over time, people who behave aggressively tend to have a string of failed relationships and little social support, and they don’t always understand that this is related to their own behavior. Ironically, they often feel like victims, too.
Passive people aim to avoid conflict by avoiding communication about their needs and feelings, but this behavior damages relationships in the long run. They may feel like victims, but continue to avoid confrontation, becoming increasingly angry until, when they finally do say something, it comes out aggressively. The other party doesn’t even know there’s a problem until the formerly passive individual virtually explodes! This leads to hard feelings, weaker relationships, and more passivity.

Become More Assertive

The first step in becoming more assertive is to take an honest look at yourself and your responses, to see where you currently stand. The answers to the following questions will help clue you in:
  • Do you have difficulty accepting constructive criticism?
  • Do you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to requests that you should really say ‘no’ to, just to avoid disappointing people?
  • Do you have trouble voicing a difference of opinion with others?
  • Do people tend to feel alienated by your communication style when you do disagree with them?
  • Do you feel attacked when someone has an opinion different from your own?
If you answered yes to several of these, you may benefit from learning assertiveness skills.

Power up Your Life & Make Stress Work 4 You: excerpt # 7

Relaxation Technique

Sit or lie down.  Close your eyes and start paying attention to the sounds and noises around you without trying to identify them.

Repeat mentally the following suggestion: "From now on and all through his session, I will remain conscious of all the sounds and noises around me, and they will even help me to deepen my relaxation.  Even the noises that could occur suddenly will not make me jump, but will rather help me to relax further."
Start focusing your attention on your feet while imagining that you can feel and see them with your mind's eyes.

After a minute or so, redirect your attention to your breathing, and imagine that with each exhalation, as the air comes out of your lungs, your feet become heavier and heavier.
Repeat ten times.                                                                                                                      
Now, direct your attention to your calves and repeat the same process
Proceed the same way for your thighs, buttocks, hands, arms, shoulders, etc.

Suggestion: aim for total relaxation.

Read more at Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/zeuk7c6

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
Website: http://www.drpierremilotphdtherapeuticounselling.com

Friday, October 21, 2016

Rising From The Ashes of Loss, My Voyage Through Grief: excerpt: 13

The Dreaded Surgery Day...continued
...It had now been five hours since the operation began and two hours since I saw the doctor.  I was pacing like a caged lion in the corridor waiting to see Louise.  No one was telling me anything and I was in total darkness as to whether Louise was half dead or alive.  Slowly becoming a source of frustration to me too was a woman sitting at a desk by the door, evidently controlling all traffic to the recovery room.  Every attempt I made to fish for information was coldly rebuked by her and I was told to wait again and again.  My patience was challenged to its limits, I felt helpless and overwhelmed with worries when all of a sudden, I was given the so-awaited signal: "You can go in now M. Milot!"  Not waiting to be told a second time, I hurried through the infamous door and apprehensively entered the up-to-now forbidden room.

As I walked In, the sight that was offered to me was disturbing to say the least and I was assaulted by a few painful stabs in the solar plexus.  My ears were overwhelmed by a cacophony of annoying beeping sounds while my eyes distressingly saw nothing else but rows and rows of white-sheeted beds with feeble-looking patients lying on them.  The hard fact that they were all wired up and connected to intimidating-looking bleeping apparatus made the scene even more morbid.  Blood and needles always gave me the jitters, I just can't help it.

I walked with trepidation through the long room, almost running one minute and crawling like a turtle the next.  The joy of seeing Louise was ruined by the paralyzing apprehension of the almost certain unbearable pain I would feel at the sight of her all cut up and patched up, like the subject of an experiment gone wrong.  After an excruciating lengthy walk through the chamber of horror, I finally made it to Louise's bed, but before I even had the chance to take a furtive look, I heard the nurse saying to me, "She is still very groggy.  The operation was long and difficult and we had to drug her up very heavily...We almost lost her, you know" she said.  "Please be brief and let her rest, she needs it badly" .Great, thanks again, just what I needed to hear, why don't you just shoot me and end it right now while you're at it?

So, with increased apprehension, I turned around towards the bed and finally dared to take a look at my sweet baby.  My heart took a double beat and I was Immediately overwhelmed by a wave of sadness at seeing her like this.  Even though she was comfortable covered with sparkling white sheets , I could still see her exposer limp arm lying on the side of the bed giving way to her delicate hand, its thin skin pierced by a needle, and I flinched.  A clear plastic bag was hooked up on a stand overhanging  her bed and a thick liquid slowly dripped into the needle, feeding her weak body.  Her face was pale and she looked exhausted.  But nevertheless, sensing my presence, she made an effort to gaze lazily at me and said with a barely audible voice: "How are you?"  Shocked at hearing her words, I nearly collapse on a chair by the bed.  Imagine, even all cut up, drugged up and under the serious threat of dying, the first though she had was filled with concern for me.  "Im all right honey" I repeated over and over again.  "Rest.  You did beautifully, I am very proud of you."  I told her softly  At that moment, I realized how much I loved her and how she was precious to me.  For the first time in my life I was witnessing true unselfish love, and I felt blessed to be at the receiving end of that love.  I was overwhelmed with joy and I was honoured to share my life with such a wonderful human being...

Read more at Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/zgtfdwx

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
Website: http://www.drpierremilotphdtherapeuticounselling.com



Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Power Up Your Life & Make Stress Work 4 You: excerpt # 6

... There are two types of negative ions in the atmosphere: small ions and big ions.  The small are fast and vitalizing, while the big ones are slow and capture the the small ions as they pass, hence  devitalizing the air.

Atmospheric pollution in cities favours the multiplication of these big slow ions.  The clean country air can contain from one to three small negative ions for one large  ion, while in cities, the proportion climbs to two hundred and seventy large ones to possibly six hundred in more polluted areas.  No surprise that a mega city's atmosphere can be so debilitating.

Any large evaporation or moving body of water produces an enormous quantity of invigorating prana, or, negative ions.  I  fact, by combining the strong pranic action of the sea with the powerful ionization effects of the sunrays, we obtain an incomparable maximum vitalization.

Nevertheless, these sensations are being felt in different degrees depending on where we are.  There are three main climate zones:  Large, mid and small.  The large climate zones are found on seasides, high altitude plateaus and mountains and wide horizon plains.  The mid climate zones are the valleys near wooded areas, forests and rock formations.  As for the small climates, they can be found in deep valleys, dense undergrowth and grassy riverbanks.  It is understandable now why most health centres and spas are commonly situated in one of these areas...

Read more at Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/zeuk7c6

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
Website: http://www.drpierremilotphdtherapeuticounselling.com

Rising From The Ashes of Loss, My Voyage Through grief: excerpt # 12

CHAPTER 4
Pre-Loss:
February 22, 2006
Experiencing deep emotions: sadness, anger, guilt and shame.

The dreaded surgery day

... The dreaded moment finally arrived and after religiously following the pre-op instructions, we departed for the hospital.  Once there, we were directed to the surgery room's waiting area where Louise was prompted to don the customary hospital gown.  For some unknown reason, she also had to wear these long tight white stockings that looked downright uncomfortable, and they were as it turned out , according to Louise.  She had been fasting since the night before and looked pale and feeble.  The operation was scheduled for 1 p.m., but we were to arrive at 11 a.m.  The wait would be long and I was concerned that Louise would collapse out of weakness.  The chairs in the waiting room which we shared with what seemed like a million other people, felt hard and uncomfortable.  Once in a while the name of a patient would be called out and a woman would disappear through a door into a mysterious room to the left.  After some time, accompanied by an orderly, she would reappear and would be rolled out of there lying on a gurney en rout to one of the surgery rooms.  Resigned to an uncertain fate, the patients all had that same kind of worried and anxious look.

This went on for over two hours and Louise was starting to show various signs of fatigue.  Without nourishment for the past 18 hours, she was very week, dizzy, and nauseous and was seeing kaleidoscopes.  By the time, the waiting room had cleared up a bit and I made her lie on her side on two chairs.  Needless to say, I was on the verge of making a scene when finally her name was called out.  Never in my life will I be able to erase the painful sight of watching her stumbling along on shaky legs and barely making it to the famous prep room door.

Again, one more time as I write these lines, I shamefully ask myself why I did not disobey the hospital's strict directives and escort her into the damn room.  Anyway, after what seemed to be like an eternity, she was finally rolled out on a gurney and as she passed in front of me, she smiled softly, trying unsuccessfully to hide her worried eyes.  I stared at the gurney as far as I could see it, and when the door to the operation room finally closed on her, a horrible sense of dread overcame me as I realized that I may not see her alive again.  The protective numbness that I had been engulfing me for a while now instantly dissipated and I was massively overwhelmed by a sense of trepidation that would not me for days to come...

Read more at Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/zgtfdwx

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
Website: http://www.drpierremilotphdtherapeuticounselling.com






Friday, October 14, 2016

Power Up Your Life & Make Stress Work 4 You: excerpt # 5

CHAPTER 2
Vital energy, a source of well-being.
Introduction to 'Prana' of 'Chi' energies

We are now in the second phase of our program.  In this chapter, we will talk about prana or vital energy which is the main principle in all of our recommended breathing exercises.  We will also describe a first self-relaxation technique as a second line of defence against stress.

The concept of the influence of atmospheric electricity on human beings is a very complex subject and I will limit my explanations strictly to what is pertinent to our stress management program.

To start, let's just say that prana, as the yogis call it, is comparable to electricity.  I imagine for an instant how hard it would be to try to explain our modern world to citizens of antiquity.  How could we describe to them the way computers, televisions, radios, etc. operate without explaining the concept of electricity?  They could not comprehend the essence of it without knowing the importance of electrical energy in the functioning of these apparatuses.  It is also as impossible to ignore the existence of prana and its action on our bodies.

Yogis tell us that it is universal and that we bathe in an ocean of prana which is part of our physical make up.  They say that what characterises life, is the ability to attract this prana in us, to accumulate and transform it in order for it to react in our bodies as it does in the world.  The fact that prana can be accumulated in the solar plexus constitutes the very basic essence of yoga and it is that same principle that we use in our program.

The science of mastering prana is called 'Pranayama'.  prana meaning 'energy' and ayama 'to master'.  Yoga exercises aim to achieve this objective.  It is by controlling prana that yogis can overcome pain and regutale the rhythm of their hearts...

Read more at Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/zeuk7c6

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237


Rising From The Ashes of Loss, My Voyage Through Grief: excerpt # 11

Post-Loss
Recollecting the deceased in the relationship.
December 12, 2010
Reunion for the celebration of Louise's life

Its 11 a.m. and the drive from Martintown to St-Andrews West is a long and arduous one.  The uneasiness I feel keeps me from appreciating the beauty of County Road 18; a scenic road bursting with beautifully manicured farms set on a bed of relaxing rolling hills.  Normally, even winter cannot tarnish this image, but today my head is wrapped up in a cloud of fear and apprehension and I can only think of one thing: facing family and friends for Louise's celebration of life.

Of the 40 people I have invited to the reunion, only 12 of them had the courage to confirm their presence, as the damn weatherman predicted a massive snow storm that scared everyone away.  Right now, I'm driving with my windshield working at full blast as it is not snow falling, but a torrent of rain.  "They could have come anyway" I think in frustration, sad that Louise will not get the send-off that she deserve.

I drive a little further and arrive at the Quinn's Inn, a turn-of-the century superb old stone house that once was Ontario Governor's residence.  I exit my parked car and set out to enter the Inn as I clutch Louise'd urn nervously.  I take a deep breath, climb up the old worn-out wooden stairs and enter the main dinning room.  There they all are; I see them all bunched up in a cozy corner by the massive blazing fireplace.  They all turn their heads and watch me as I approach with uncertain steps to deposit Louise's urn and photo on the large window sill behind the long table where they all sit.  Exhibiting a feeble smile and trying to look as casual as I can, I collapse on the first empty chair I can find  and salute everyone...

... Outside in the wet parking lot when the reunion is over, after the usual hugs, kisses, handshakes and empty promises to see each other soon, we part and everyone goes home.  As I drive back to my empty house, I can't help but be amazed at most people's resilience in the face of adversity and how they are able to carry on in spite of this tragic moment.  Although, stubbornly holding on to my desire to face this alone, I am doubtful of my own resilience and decide to solicit the help of an old friend.  Back at home, I enter the kitchen, open the cupboard door and reach for my bottle of 'Glenfiddich' single malt scotch.

Read mor at Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/zcg46jx

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
Website: http://www.drpierremilotphdtherapeuticounselling.com

Friday, October 7, 2016

'Intimations of Immortality' by William Wordsworth 1770–1850

"Though nothing can bring back the hour/ Of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower;/ We will grieve not, rather find/ Strength in what remains behind."
Full Version: http://www.bartleby.com/101/536.html  


Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
Email: drpierremilot@mail.com
Website: http://www.drpierremilotphdtherapeuticounselling.com


Meditation for Stress Management

https://www.verywell.com/meditation-4013136

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
Email: drpierremilot@mail.com

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Power Up Your Life & Make Stress Work 4 You: excerpt # 4

First line of defence against stress
The Rhythmic Breath
- Without crossing your legs, sit down comfortably on a chair, hold your back straight and let your     hands rest on your thighs.
- Close your eyes and direct your thoughts on the air that is coming out of your lungs.  Direct the  inhaled breath into the olfactory zone, which is found between the eyebrows.
- Inhale slowly to the count of three. Then, hold the air in your lungs while you count another time up to three.
- Exhale slowly, counting up to three again, then force out the air left in your lungs.  To accomplish this, contract your stomach muscles to crush the diaphragm.  Repeat the process again counting up to three, holding for three, and exhaling for another three.
- At first, begin with 3 to 5 minute sessions and increase the length gradually to reach 15 to 20 minutes sessions.
To come: first self-relaxation exercise and an explanation of the concept of vital energy.

Read more at Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/zeuk7c6

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237

Understanding the myth of left brain right brain: the surprising truth.

https://www.verywell.com/left-brain-vs-right-brain-2795005

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
Email: drpierremilot@mail.com

Monday, October 3, 2016

Rising From The Ashes of Loss, My Voyage Through Grief: excerpt # 10

Post-Lost
Recollecting the deceased in the relationship
Coming back home now takes a whole new meaning and I'm reminded of that as I turn onto the short narrow street leading to my house.  Once a cute and cozy Georgian country house with gingerbread trim ornamenting the wrap-around veranda, it is now nothing but a painful reminder of what my life used to be.  Can I ever look at my house again and not have my heart shredded to pieces every time I see the old couch tucked in on the porch where Louise used to sit for hours knitting sweaters for me?  Can I ever peak through my second-floor office window and stare at the 'Robin's Nest' corner without remembering sorrowfully the time I built it for her?  It was a cute small rest area with a Victorian park bench amid a backdrop of lovely colourful bird houses.  The first time she tried it, she cried and said, "You build beautiful things.  Thank you, I love it".  How can I erase the pain triggered by the sight of all that was our life together?  I'm lost and desperate for relief.
I park the car under the massive maple tree overhanging the driveway and enter the house wondering where I'm going to store the urn until the reunion with family and friends for her celebration of life.  The old summer country kitchen is a good place as I don't have to go there often.  I unceremoniously place the container on a shelf as if it was burning coals and hurry to the dinning room in a desperate attempt to escape the hurt.
A useless gesture; I'm still choking, my throat is still constricted and I feel the walls closing in on me rapidly.  Air, I need air.  I restlessly tour the house in search of relief, but every room I visit tells the same story, nothing but loneliness, nothing but pain.  I finally give up, get dressed and walk right back out, jump into my car, my only means of escape these days, open the window, turn the radio on and take off to nowhere.
Read more on Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/zcg46jx

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237
http://www.drpierremilotphdtherapeuticounselling.com