Friday, October 21, 2016

Rising From The Ashes of Loss, My Voyage Through Grief: excerpt: 13

The Dreaded Surgery Day...continued
...It had now been five hours since the operation began and two hours since I saw the doctor.  I was pacing like a caged lion in the corridor waiting to see Louise.  No one was telling me anything and I was in total darkness as to whether Louise was half dead or alive.  Slowly becoming a source of frustration to me too was a woman sitting at a desk by the door, evidently controlling all traffic to the recovery room.  Every attempt I made to fish for information was coldly rebuked by her and I was told to wait again and again.  My patience was challenged to its limits, I felt helpless and overwhelmed with worries when all of a sudden, I was given the so-awaited signal: "You can go in now M. Milot!"  Not waiting to be told a second time, I hurried through the infamous door and apprehensively entered the up-to-now forbidden room.

As I walked In, the sight that was offered to me was disturbing to say the least and I was assaulted by a few painful stabs in the solar plexus.  My ears were overwhelmed by a cacophony of annoying beeping sounds while my eyes distressingly saw nothing else but rows and rows of white-sheeted beds with feeble-looking patients lying on them.  The hard fact that they were all wired up and connected to intimidating-looking bleeping apparatus made the scene even more morbid.  Blood and needles always gave me the jitters, I just can't help it.

I walked with trepidation through the long room, almost running one minute and crawling like a turtle the next.  The joy of seeing Louise was ruined by the paralyzing apprehension of the almost certain unbearable pain I would feel at the sight of her all cut up and patched up, like the subject of an experiment gone wrong.  After an excruciating lengthy walk through the chamber of horror, I finally made it to Louise's bed, but before I even had the chance to take a furtive look, I heard the nurse saying to me, "She is still very groggy.  The operation was long and difficult and we had to drug her up very heavily...We almost lost her, you know" she said.  "Please be brief and let her rest, she needs it badly" .Great, thanks again, just what I needed to hear, why don't you just shoot me and end it right now while you're at it?

So, with increased apprehension, I turned around towards the bed and finally dared to take a look at my sweet baby.  My heart took a double beat and I was Immediately overwhelmed by a wave of sadness at seeing her like this.  Even though she was comfortable covered with sparkling white sheets , I could still see her exposer limp arm lying on the side of the bed giving way to her delicate hand, its thin skin pierced by a needle, and I flinched.  A clear plastic bag was hooked up on a stand overhanging  her bed and a thick liquid slowly dripped into the needle, feeding her weak body.  Her face was pale and she looked exhausted.  But nevertheless, sensing my presence, she made an effort to gaze lazily at me and said with a barely audible voice: "How are you?"  Shocked at hearing her words, I nearly collapse on a chair by the bed.  Imagine, even all cut up, drugged up and under the serious threat of dying, the first though she had was filled with concern for me.  "Im all right honey" I repeated over and over again.  "Rest.  You did beautifully, I am very proud of you."  I told her softly  At that moment, I realized how much I loved her and how she was precious to me.  For the first time in my life I was witnessing true unselfish love, and I felt blessed to be at the receiving end of that love.  I was overwhelmed with joy and I was honoured to share my life with such a wonderful human being...

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Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Therapeutic Counsellor - Author
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation: 613.703.9237

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