Back at the hospital for the pre-admission, we spent some time filling out a bunch of papers at the admission office and Louise was occupied most of the day going through an endless series of tests to make sure that she was fit to withstand the surgery. Everything went smoothly and fast, a positive point for the hospital.
Nothing of consequence happened that day other than the fact that Louise was still behaving like a trooper, and I was darn proud of her. I wish I could say the same for me though, for I could feel the trepidations of a little storm brewing inside of me at the thought of the dreaded surgery day. Of course I forced myself to keep a straight face and a reassuring attitude. Louise needed all the support and strength I could offer; no wimps allowed in this play. I had no idea then that the words 'strength and resilience' would take a whole new meaning for me in the years to come. I was an unsuspecting player in a game that would take me to levels of extremeness I never thought I was capable of.
As I write these lines today, I ponder on the importance and the necessity of not knowing the future. Could I have gone on if I would have known how difficult my voyage would be? Would I have worked as hard if I had known the outcome of my journey? Was the end result already written or did we have a say in it? Was I just a companion in Louise's journey, enhancing my own learning through her experience? I guess I will never know the answers to these questions. I tend to believe that we come to this world with a karmic baggage that predestines us to a specific destiny. I also believe that through personal assiduous efforts, we can go beyond that same destiny line and create a new and better reality for ourselves; the future is not necessary set. On the ' not-so-sure side' though, I think that fate, chance or bad luck may have something to do in our tribulations and that sometimes we just tag along for the ride, learning as best as we can. Who really knows?
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