Saturday, September 10, 2016

Excerpt # 6: Rising from the ashes of loss, my voyage through grief

Hi everyone, here's another excerpt from my new book.
More anger
One of the things that put me off the most while in the doctor's office was how offhandedly he treated  the whole situation.  After coldly announcing the devastating news to Louise, he turned around towards his nursing assistant, asked for a paper tissue and with the most uncaring attitude passed it along to Louise, who at that time had become very disturbed and was sobbing miserably.  I could have strangled the bastard.  Couldn't he have shown a little bit more compassion and humanity?  I know it's a dirty job and that someone's got to do it, but still, put up a facade or something, man.  Why not be a little more hypocritical and try to show that you care, at least a little bit.
After this devastating and shocking moment, we left the doctor's office with a reference to consult with the Ottawa General Hospital's team of gyn-oncologists, which was not a good omen.  We were to make the call to book an appointment with a specialist as soon as possible.  "It's urgent", the doctor had said.  "Oh Boy", I thought, "this is it, this is the big one".  In a discombobulated state, trying somehow to reassure Louise with a fake smile and and a false laid-back attitude, I said: "It will be all right, sweetie, you'll see", and we made our way to the car for the trip back home.  What an empty promise that was if I ever mad one.
In the days that followed, my time, aside from reassuring Louise and doing all I could to remain calm, was spent trying to make sense out of the horrendous reality of the moment.  I spent countless hours researching the internet on diseases and conditions that could be the cause of Louise's predicament.  I did not want to accept the fact that it could be cancer and that I could lose her, but still, a sickening sense of dread was creeping in slowly, telling me otherwise.  The very thought of the cancer scenario made my head spin as if I were in a drunken stupor and left me speechless.  Even though the possibility of cancer was not confirmed yet, there would be at least major surgery in her tummy, and that was scary.
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