Sunday, October 29, 2017

Rising From The Ashes of Loss, My Voyage Through Grief: excerpt #30

September to December 2008
More denial, hope, anger and resentment.
This period was in an upswing, at least in the beginning.  The first round of chemotherapy was finished and it was a rest period for Louise.  Her hair had started to grow back again for which she was grateful.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I was never shy of telling her how great she still looked even as a baldy.  The colourful scarves that she expertly wrapped around her head only added to her natural beauty.  
Another detail to be praised also was the fact that all through the treatments she was always nausea free.  Was it the workings of the little yellow pill taken after each chemo treatment or the mountain of natural supplements I had her ingest in an effort to enhance the efficiency of the treatment and minimize its side effect?  Who cares, something worked and it was all that mattered.
Since the storm had calmed down somewhat, we started to look for an alternative health practitioner for the continuation of her treatment.  We wanted a therapist that would have a solid understanding of both alternative and conventional medicine, a doctor licensed in both discipline.  Our goal was not only to use natural medicine as an adjunct, but as Louise’s main cancer therapy.  After lengthy researches and numerous attempts to find the rare pearl, one name came up constantly: Dr. R from Ottawa, Ontario.  Getting an appointment was not an easy thing to do as he was booked solid.  I had to push and insist that he see Louise as soon as possible; "Her case is serious and urgent,” I argued relentlessly.  I guess I must have been a good negotiator or a real pain in the neck that one is eager to get rid of, because Dr. R. finally agreed to meet with Louise the following week.
First visit to the alternative doctor.
Dr. R. was a tall, slim cool guy with a full dark brown beard and he insisted that we call him by his first name.  His impressive resume detailing his academic and alternative training was available through a brochure in the waiting room.  Aside from his medical degree, he had travelled extensively around the world to study with masters and gurus of legendary ancient body- mind-spirit disciplines.  After talking shop for a while, as I too was once a licensed naturotherapist, I felt confident of his abilities and knew that we had found the right expert.
The first thing on his agenda was to establish a baseline. Therefore a complete blood works was ordered.  Also, he talked to us about chelation therapy and the damage that heavy metal intoxication can cause to the immune system.  Therefore, a special test was also recommended and, of course, both tests involved needles again, a real nightmare for Louise, damn it!
We talked about nutrition, supplements, natural medication and herbs that Louise would have to take as adjuncts to the ten sessions of chelation therapy meant to reduce her body’s heavy metal intoxication level.  I thought that going right away with the treatment was a bit premature since we didn’t even have the test results yet, but Dr.R. seemed to believe that it was a fait-accompli that due to our modern way of life, most of us are subject to being contaminated by these kinds of toxins .  I reasoned then that in the off chance that he was right, I should ask to take the test also since I needed to remain in top shape for Louise's sake, so I went ahead with the whole shebang.  I had read extensively on the subject and the reports on its safety and efficiency were very positive.  Costly treatments by the way, but we considered that the tag of  four hundred dollars for each test was well worth it; one test before each treatment and one test after each treatment.  Double that for me.  When it comes to saving one’s life, nothing is too expensive. 
So here we were a week later for the tests, both patiently sitting side by side in two comfy leather chairs, all hooked up to a drip system similar to the one used for chemotherapy.  What differed though, was that instead of burning chemicals, the liquid running through our veins was laced with some kind of binding agent meant to attract the heavy metals out of our system.  Shortly after the infusion was finished, through a urine analysis, our blood’s intoxication level would then be determined.
"Through the roof,” said the good doctor as he read Louise’s test results.  The sheet of paper he held in his hands showed a graph detailing a list of heavy metals spread out into a neat column descending on the left side of the page.  The level of intoxication was demonstrated by coloured lines extending from each name and criss-crossing another set of lines extending downwards that indicate the degree of intoxication.  As he pointed with a steady finger to a line in particular he commented on the fact that all through his career he had only met ten patients with similar results.  The red line he was bringing our attention to extended way beyond all the others, so much so that it would have necessitated another whole sheet of paper to capture the full picture.  "Its extraordinary that she can swim at all,” I said in a stupid attempt to lighten the moment.
Her lead levels are way off the chart and must absolutely be reduced in order to make any significant progress.  My test results were high also, but never as dramatic as Louise’s.  This enlightenment did not really come as bad news to us though since it represented increased chances of recovery from her cancer once the lead in her body would be removed.  At that time we thought that we had found the culprit of Louise’s demise and entered into the new battle to come with confidence and renewed hopes.  Little did we know that more hardships were yet to come.



Read more at Amazon.ca: http://tinyurl.com/ydcgzc5j

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Life Transitions Counsellor - Relationship/Grief Coach 
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation
Canada: 613.774.4389

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Rising From The Ashes of Loss, My Voyage Through Grief: except # 29

Chapter 8
More anger and resentment

They say it never rains, it pours and of course, as if the needle stuff was not enough, she unbelievably developed an allergic reaction (some sort of horrible reddish and itchy rash at the site of the injection) to the anti-allergic medication.  If it wasn’t so serious, it’d be laughable; an allergic reaction to an anti-allergy drug. LOL.  So of course the injections which were fast acting, had to be stopped and replaced by a pill to be taken orally.  The bummer though is that the pill took longer to kick in, thus making the sessions even longer.
Of course, during the long hours of waiting, I had time to think.  Not always a good thing though (for an over active intellect like mine) and my musing, stemming from fear and resentment, went from cursing all the gods ever known to man, to praying and making deals with the same guys.  Lying at the bottom of a well of despair, like I was during some of those horrible days, I was willing to reconsider my options. And I did.  Just in case I could have been wrong in my views of this crazy world.  What if there was a God?  What if I was wrong?  What if he occasionally listened to poor saps like me? What if I prayed hard enough and made him listen to my plea, convince him that Louise was a good person worth a blink from him?  What if I promised to become a better person dedicated to the service of others would that help?   
But wait, I sarcastically reflected at times, don’t miracles occur spontaneously sometimes, like I read in some religious books? I’m waiting God, do your thing, she’s suffering and every minute counts, don’t you have a heart or are you going to feed me the crappy line that you work in mysterious ways…that it’s a learning experience for her and for me, that I should have faith and that every good thing happens to he who waits.  
I’m watching you God, you better perform, otherwise I’m reverting to believing that you’re nothing but an imaginary being and a fabrication created directly out of the twisted minds of somber prophets and greedy kings to suit their purposes. On I went with the pleas and threats, venting my frustrations until I often fell asleep, exhausted and no further ahead then when I started.  
Mental note
In retrospect, all through the years that Louise was sick, I must have gone through this bargaining and threatening routine a hundred times and an elusive god still remained silent and unresponsive, even to my threats. Who knows? Maybe it was her karma to end her life in pain and suffering, something she had to accomplish for the sake of her spiritual growth. I’ll never know.  Maybe God does works in mysterious ways for some and not for others, I wonder.  I respect other people’s spiritual values and the fact that they may find strength and solace in the belief that a higher being is looking after them, but as for me, I think this is nonsense. 
Life is life and it just doesn’t care, we are part of nature, and nature is the only true God energy as far as I’m concerned.  We’re all caught up in the same never ending cycle of living and dying.  Pain is part of the evolutionary process, therefore it is not good or bad, it just is.  Karma is Karma, and in spite of our greatest efforts to fly away on our own, we’re always dragged back into the learning pathway set for us at birth.  Free choice only goes so far.

Read more at Amazon.ca: http://tinyurl.com/ydcgzc5j

Dr. Pierre Milot, Ph.D., Ph.D. (tc)
Life Transitions Counsellor - Relationship/Grief Coach 
Online - Phone - One-on-one consultations
Info or free evaluation
Canada: 613.774.4389